I will Never Give Up on You

If you ask me if ever my heart is taken. the answer is yes. You took it.

If you ask me if ever i am happy with my life. the answer is yes. Because you are in it.

If you ask me if ever i am fulfilled. the answer is yes. Because you made me.

Though i am afar from you, i have thought of you day and night. i continually imagine hugging you and walking holding hands together. I asked myself, perenially if i deserve this emotional torture of loving somebody from afar.. i just close my eyes and imagine you from afar. whenever, i try to give up.

a silent voice within me tells me not to. Will loving someone, make me whole again? make me complete again? is it worth the fight? is it worth the risk? Those are the questions that linger within me. a struggle for me.

Whenever, i think of you, i felt weak. not because i am a coward or afraid but i felt numb because i can't give you, what you need, which another person can fulfill. i dont know where to start and i dont know how to end this feelings i have for you. the most important thing is am fighting everything for you. because at the end, whether i receive rejection or not, everything is worth a try.

At the end of the day, it is always you. selflessly you. i will just sit here. il wait. maybe, just maybe. everything will fall into its right place.

cheers to lies and silence.

Last night, I was not able to sleep.

It was for the reason that night, I went out with a friend which I haven't seen for quite sometime.. I was shocked to know that he is bringing a guy to his house on the most important day of the year and that is Christmas. .

I have known J***** for quite sometime already, like since we were still in college, being active student leaders of our University. I remember so vividly he used to take part in campus campaigns and student activism.

Anyway, I graduated ahead of him and he immediately moved to Cebu to find work, and that year after, he moved and followed me landing in one of the local newspapers dailies in Cebu after all he was a masscom grad.

But last night was different.

For the first time in our years of friendship, he brought a guy and introduced him to his family and to me (we are really close friends).. and funny thing is that, while I was speaking to his parents with the usual sir and ma'am, there he is (the claimed friend) calls J**** 's parents as tito and tita.. Shocks. close na sila, makamatay.

What made it so interesting is that they spent a day in a "western visayas " place.. just the two of them. Claiming that the trip from "western visayas place" to Iloilo was cancelled because of bad weather..lies..lies.. if i know you want to spend another day time with him.

I might be concluding for the wrong reasons but there is somthing fishy going on. I just hope J***** and P***** are happy with what they are doing... not telling the truth and being silent about their so called "closeness" .

Whatever closeness means, they have to tell it to me. I am waiting for the truth.

Mrs. GP Rehab Mega Galactica 2008 Pictures

my fellow judges. Lyra, Claudo and of course me. Hot and Breezy afternoon.

Mrs. GP Rehab Mega Galactica 2008

Yesterday, I was invited by a close friend, Mr. Rolando " Janna Victoria" Villamero, Jr sometimes he is called chastity or sometimes just plain "DAI" short for inday (a popular term for yound lady in visayan term) Actually, Janna made it to the top 30 list of the Ten Outstanding Student of the Philippies nationwide search and an advocate of inclusive education in the Philippines.

He is now employed as a staff in GP rehab, a norwagean-funded non government organization that caters to physically- unabled children in Negros Oriental.. the serves kids with cerebral palsy, autism, juvenile arthritis and many more. It was a nostalgic moment for since when i was still in the sfudent government we used to do outreach programs there.

Anyway, on the fun part, I was texted by Janna to be one of the judges for the Ms. GP Rehab MegaGalactica 2008 beauty pageant along with my close friend Claudio "claudette" Ramos II, speech and theater arts teacher and a past TOSP-Reg VII nominee, we arrived late (as usual) but it was ok because they were still preparing for the pagent.

at about 15 minutes or so, we had to go to our respective places and start our tasks of judging. all the while, i thought i was going to judge the kids.. but lo and behold, it was the mothers that i am going to judge.. i said " whaaat the @#@%^$^!! .

Actually this was my nth time to judge beauty pageants (i really don't why they get me) well, anyway, the fun part is the production number, (pic below) where the moms have to wear the skimpy santa clause-inspired dress.. (yucks! nausated! ) my friend Claudio had to stop looking for a while, for fear of vomitus might come out of his mouth.. (laughing)

Clap..clap..clap..I enjoyed my time that afternoon.. seeing the kids and all the audience happy makes it all worth it.. had a great talk with kids i met. There was this boy who is very cute and who has delayed developmental functioning.. he was soo cute i have to take picture of him.

I congratulated my friend janna for a job well done. Cheers!

Mrs. GP Rehab Mega Galactica 2008 Pictures

The Queen. actually she is not the winner, she (or it.. hahaha) was the first runner up last year.. the winner was a no-show this year, so the first runner up has to take over.. nice gown to cover the bulging stomach.. (devilish grin!)

Mrs. GP Rehab Mega Galactica 2008 Pictures

Best in Sportwear. The winner of Ms. GP Rehab Mega Galactica 2008 struts her way on the ramp as she wears a cowgirl attire during the sportwear competition..watch out! she kicks like a horse! grh..grh..grh...

Mrs. GP Rehab Mega Galactica 2008 Pictures

My fellow judge, Speech and Theater Magna Cum Laude graduate and past Kahayag Dance Troupe president Mr. Claudio Ramos II, can't control his laughter as he looks at the production number.. fun..fun.. fun..

Mrs. GP Rehab Mega Galactica 2008 Pictures

Production Number. Holy Cow! look at the abs! its going to burst.. (laughing hard!) i find the costumes really.. hmmm... whats the word? creative? (laughing again.) But the girls are having a blast though, they are doing for fun... yeah..yeah.. you're right!

Mrs. GP Rehab Mega Galactica 2008 Pictures

The top winners from left to right second runner up Ma. Dee Flores Mrs. GP Rehab Megagalactica Liezel Gargar and First Runner Up Aida Verzano. Congratulations.

I have been a fan of Elliot Yamin eversince he joined American Idol season 5 (Taylor Hicks aka Soul Patrol grabbed the seasons best singer)

Here is an interview from American Idol courtesy of www.americanidol.com. Hope we could see him often and most probably a concert here in the Philippines.

When did you first start to sing?

5 years old.

Do you have any formal singing training?

No.

What other talents do you have?

I can do funny voices and impressions.

If you don't make it on AMERICAN IDOL, what will you do?

Do whatever I've always done...Survive! Of course, I'd still pursue a career in music.

What are your personal goals in life?

To help educate young people about music and diabetes. I want to be an inspiration to others. I want to be a great Dad someday...I want to meet Magic Johnson and have a floor seat at a Lakers game.

What album would your friends be surprised you own?

Ladies and Gentlemen - George Michael

Who is your AMERICAN IDOL?

My Mom - she's overcome a lot of adverse situations. She's a very strong-willed woman!

Do you have any rituals or things you do each time you perform?

Pray and take deep breaths.

Most embarrassing moments?

My first Hollywood Round Auditions - I forgot the lyrics to the beginning of my song! I thought I was going home for sure.

What has been your proudest moment in life so far?

Making the Top 24.

If you couldn't sing, which talent would you most like to have?

I'd love to be able to play the guitar and piano. I'd like to be taller, just so I can dunk a basketball!

What is your definition of an AMERICAN IDOL?

Someone who can inspire others to accomplish anything they set their mind to do.

Who is your favorite judge and why?

Simon - he doesn't sugarcoat anything.

What would people be surprised to learn about you?

Probably that I wear an insulin pump.

How has this changed your life?

It's validated my artistry and given me the confidence to accomplish anything I set out to do!

Do you have any lucky charms?

Nope, just my vocal chords.

Who are your heroes in life?

My Mom.

What's been your toughest obstacle in life?

Learning to manage my diabetes.

Do you think the audition process was fair?

For the most part, however I've seen some really talented singers go home.

If you win, who will you thank first?

God, then my Mom.

Wait for You by Elliot Yamin

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.


Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afriad of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you wanted to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing i do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.